Healing “the left out kid” Wound As An Adult
There’s been alot of triggers for me to have an opportunity as an adult to recognize and heal that old wound of being “the kid left out” – which happened in a variety of ways as a kid and teenager during my school years. During those years, like being the last one standing in Phys Ed when the two popular girls were picking out of the group who was going to be on the team for whatever activity we were engaging. I was ALWAYS the last one left, and when the teacher said, “go to that team” – the girls rolled their eyes and groaned. There were other instances, but you get the drift, and probably have experienced it yourself.
As my beloved Uncle Jack died this past Tuesday in NY, and services were to be held on Friday/Saturday – this didn’t give me any time to book a flight from CA and meet my sister and brother when they landed in NY from Arizona. So I am the only family member from ‘that era’ that was not present to say good-bye, to be part of the services and to be with the whole family, which hasn’t happened in decades. So I’ve got the “left out kid” trigger massively triggered, even though logistically, I just didn’t have the time to catch a flight. I did recognize this situation as a BIG trigger and said, “girl, you can use this situation to process that old left out kid wound and dig in and feel really badly, OR you can see it for what it is and accept the whole set of circumstances that weren’t designed to leave you out. Well, it started out pretty good with not giving in to the pain of that old wound, but to release some of the charge – and a mighty powerful opportunity this was indeed. But after my sis called to update me on details of the service (which I asked her to do) it hit me like a locomotive at full speed of just what I missed out on being a part of. So below I’ll share some of the following to help out all of us who process this sort of old wound when new situations arise to trigger it. Healing is really our only option if we want to grow. And growing is damn uncomfortable and downright painful at times – this is a big wound, and a big situation, so I’m hurting pretty “big” and working at the healing pretty intently. I am doing alot of the work listed below, but sometimes, as with grief, which my situation also includes grieving my Uncle’s passing, one just has to allow the feelings to bubble up while maybe buying our inner little kid an ice cream.
To heal the inner child wound of being the “left out kid” as an adult, you can: acknowledge and validate your feelings, practice self-compassion, engage in inner child work through journaling, meditation, or therapy, set healthy boundaries, and actively cultivate supportive relationships where you feel included and valued; essentially, providing the love and acceptance you may have lacked as a child.
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Recognize your triggers:
Identify situations or behaviors that trigger feelings of being left out or excluded, allowing you to better understand your reactions and manage them.
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Journaling:
Write about your childhood experiences of being left out, allowing you to process emotions and gain insight into your inner child’s perspective.
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Meditation and visualization:
Practice guided meditations to connect with your inner child, offering them comfort and reassurance.
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Self-compassion practices:
Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, acknowledging that your feelings are valid and deserve to be heard.
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Inner child dialogue:
Imagine talking to your younger self, offering support and validation for their experiences.
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Therapy:
Consider seeking professional help from a therapist who specializes in inner child work to process past experiences and develop coping mechanisms.
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Set boundaries:
Learn to prioritize your own needs and establish healthy boundaries to protect yourself from situations that might trigger feelings of exclusion.
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Build supportive relationships:
Surround yourself with people who make you feel valued and included, actively nurturing positive connections
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Creative expression:
Engage in activities like art, music, or writing to express your emotions and connect with your inner child.
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Healing takes time:
Be patient with yourself and accept that the process of healing your inner child is a journey, not a quick fix.
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Validate your feelings:
Don’t dismiss your emotions; acknowledge that feeling left out as a child was a real experience.
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Focus on self-love:Cultivate a positive self-image and practice self-care to nurture your inner child.
